Aug 18, 2014

some friends

So as anyone reading this would probably know, I've been feeling like shit lately. I'm really, really fed up. I'm over the people in my life that bullshit about "taking some time for themselves" and how they "feel bad about being selfish, even though blah blah blah". You're being selfish. That's why you feel that way. And no, I haven't been just fine without you all around. After resigning myself to writing all the crap I've been going through just down to poor mental health, I blacked out for four hours today and I had a migraine all weekend. I'm fucking sick of people telling me everything is in my head. I ended up at the doctors today and my blood pressure is too low, so they are now thinking that this might be the actual cause of mood changes, exhaustion, trouble focusing etc. And that I'm probably anxious and depressed as a result of that, on top of the constant isolation from peers. More freaking blood tests and scans. I've blacked out twice in as many days, and I'm still trying to drive myself around, get through uni, write a freaking thesis......but where the fuck are my friends?

I'm sure they're off having some really inspirational little chat about how they care so much but they are not around for whatever supposed reason. Well, guess what? I'm fucking sick, and you're not here. I am so sick and tired of being let down by people when I can barely stand and everything in daily life is a huge effort. I swear to god people must think I'm just talking out of my arse or something. I'm not fucking okay, and half of you assholes are sitting there sharing shit about loyalty and mental health and "R U ok" and god knows what else on facebook, and never say a word to me. I'm so sick and tired of all of this. I'm stressed, dizzy, exhausted and alone, ALL OF THE TIME. What a difficulty for you all. Yeah, I totally understand. Ugh. I'm so fed up right now. If you really care about the health of your friends, get in touch, because I'm sick, and a friendly face would be nice among all the freaking scans and tests and needles and fuck knows what else I will go through this time while people try to figure out why my body is just randomly crapping out all over the place.

I'm so exhausted and disappointed right now.

No comments: