Aug 21, 2014

let the good times roll

Yes, I'm so legitimately shitty at my body that I gimped it its very own award.

I feel like I'm playing illness bingo. Urghhhhhhh. So, after minor surgery on Tuesday and being taken off ADHD meds, I passed out every single day and gave up and went back on them today after calling my specialist (GP took me off them as I was super depressed and also showing signs of the beginnings of septic shock that might've explained the inattentiveness). I went into meltdown, made worse by being provoked and put down by people in the last couple of days that really should have known better. Blood pressure is hovering around 100/70 at the moment, so it's lowish but okay. The hives have stopped since the surgery to remove the implant. But yeah, the blackouts and emotional distress kept right on.....

My body appears to be taking the "por que no los dos" approach to illness....actually it's taking the goddamned Pokemon approach to it....HEY GUISE I HERD U LIEK BEING EXHAUSTED AND MISERABLE AND SICK AS FUCK SO I THOUGHT I'D CATCH YOU EVERY ILLNESS EVER! Well fuck you, guy. Stupid, stupid-ass body. I'd be angrier, but I'm too damned tired. I haven't cried today or passed out, so I'm taking that as a small win for the day (I have every other day this week). Been awake more than three hours? Check! Emotional exhaustion present but capable of being somewhat hidden from others for the day? Check! Good-o.

So, here's what the current medical theory is:
  • Immune response to implanon triggered sepsis
  • Combined Adult ADHD 
  • Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome
  • Social isolation worsening symptoms
  • Uni stress worsening symptoms
  • Family stress worsening symptoms
Basically, my body decided while it was forming/growing/maturing/whatever that its reaction to my efforts to do anything without horrible isolation, failure, exhaustion, emotional distress, psychogenic pain, losing consciousness, etc would just be "NOPE". Hot damn I need a hug this week. I have stitches in one arm, blood test punctures in the other, all my glasses have salt residue on them from crying, my room is a mess and I'm too weak to clean it, I have uni work coming out of my ears that I can barely focus on, I'm really socially isolated, I'm anxious and unhappy, and I'm tired most of the time. Blood results tomorrow, my money is on "inconclusive". If only I won a prize for correct blood result guesses.

Feeling - completely exhausted
Watching - The Legend of Korra (at least that part of today is fun)

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