It's a good burn....it's a good burn......
God it's been a week of fuckery. I'm not usually one for anecdotal sayings, but news has come in threes this week. Bad news. Everyone seems to have left common sense at the door and I'm just left here staring blankly, trying to figure out if what is happening around me is real, or I'm being punked by an entire bunch of unrelated people in my life at once, in some sort of elaborate and multifaceted ruse. Well, at least being able to use "elaborate", "multifaceted", and "ruse" in the one sentence has softened the blow of this week a little. But only a little.
I think I'm most annoyed by the disruption to my already choc-full deadlines. I'm working two jobs and studying an honours year full-time. I was working three jobs, but had to drop one because I also party to a level which is not advisable, and the end result of that all shoved into one lifestyle was that I spent most of this week as sick as all hell, pushing my workload into an even bigger well....shit heap.
As weird as it sounds, something that has kept me sane and avoided me really rolling heads has been taking on yet another commitment. I've been to the gym most days this week, with the exception of the ones where I really, really was too sick to function at all. It's actually been brilliant. My initial urge was to go to the doctor and get more valium, but I just don't feel right about that while I'm doing this well. There was a time a while back where I genuinely needed the stuff, but honestly as uncomfortable as life has been this week, I know I don't need it right now. One of the big things worrying me is to do with drugs and someone else, and to be honest, I feel kind-of wrong about having these concerns and then coping by getting a bunch of valium. I don't care if I can get it on a script, the rationale seems kinda fucked.....I'm not judging, if you need it then by all means go for it, there is a place for the stuff, but I don't need it right now.
So....sorry I got a little off-track...this is where working out comes in. I'm flogging myself at the gym when I'm frustrated, angry and/or upset, and it's helping a lot. I'm getting something to throw my aggression at that doesn't beget more aggression, I'm getting a rush of serotonin from the workout, and I'm getting the added bonus of better feels surrounding body image. And you know, better general health as well. Science, bitches.
Tonight has been particularly trying via a "series-of-random-events-that-had-nothing-to-do-with-me-but-very quickly-became-a-burden", so this is my friendly semi-public reminder to myself to stay on-track. Do those damned readings. If you're wanting to yell at "the stupid" tomorrow, go do a gym session instead. You have been through so much worse. Don't let silly things steal your happiness. You got this girl. Et cetera. This is one year of hard work, and that hard work will be worth it. Hold on to your sanity and smile it out. You got this.