Feb 17, 2014

too sassy for you

So today I made a discovery about myself, as well as my needs. I realised through very little social networking efforts and just a pinch of quiet observation, that I'm not actually as hopeless on matters of love as I thought I was and here's why: I've been beating myself up for a couple of weeks now about being too cold, too broken and a million other things that are actually bullshit.

I'm not broken, I've totally moved through all my previous shit and I'm on the whole a very happy free agent, unless something stupidly drastic happens - at which point I cry for a couple of days, do a bit of soul searching, and move the hell on with my life.

The reason I'm not diving into serious relationships lately is because I actually know what I'm looking for. I've been selling myself way too short. I spent seven and a half years in a dedicated relationship, and only decided to leave because he stopped respecting me; somewhere along the lines I appear to have forgotten that about myself. I'm the person who remains sane and grounded through the constant insanity and bullshit. I know how to be loyal and loving. I'm a huge fucking catch on that front.

I'm also wise to people's games. I can never be the girlfriend if something awry is going down, because I've had that many douche-canoe guy experiences in my life now that I can smell a rat. I'm old enough to not even dignify it with a fight. I just feel sorry for a person who has such a broken view of relationships that they will play this game and be ultimately unfulfilled. Perhaps I've become more rational.

Everything seems so obvious, and things are rarely at an acceptable level. I don't know, this sounds angry but it's really not. Not at all. I just don't have the strength. The tediousness that is playing along with people who think you can't see right through them is no longer draining, it's just boring, and I move on pretty fast.

I'm not cold. I was never cold. I'm intimidating by nature, because I'm fucking awesome and because I don't feel the need to apologise for it. And, to be honest with you, I'm just becoming pretty fucking complacent about people that are bad at sexual relationships. Cold where cold is due.

Tonight kind-of went from sadness, to annoyance, to pity, to a sudden increase in my own self-esteem and self worth. I realised I was way more experienced at relationships and life in general than a person I really admire. Not actually even angry anymore. How do I write this without coming off as rude? This will do it: It's not you, it's me guys. This has been a happy adventure in self-discovery.

Hold up for the song, the lyrics are perfect.

1 comment:

talentedVCR said...

Shoot for it gurl!!! Your awesome! (I have that gif saved on my phone lol)