Sep 5, 2013

Writer's Block

Pictured: Hell.

I've been stuck for a week on starting this essay, and it's so silly. I've gone around to others in my social circle who are stressing about essays, maybe three or four different people, and sat them down and calmed their nerves and said "hey, you're here because you have already proven yourself, and the uni has invested in you as a positive statistic for their tally board because you've got the ability to do this." You're smart, you have the tools you need, where are you getting stuck?

Here's how structure works, here's how to figure out what your unit chairs are really looking for in the marking process and wanting you to show ability in. Here's how to make everything flow.

I've read every reading, I've scoured all the tutes. I've gone through half an exercise book with hand written notes. I've annotated every article I've read, and I've run all the stats, over and over again, and I KNOW they're perfect. WHY CAN'T I START WRITING? I'm more than capable of a HD, and no I'm not just full of it. I'm actually genuinely more than capable of it.

This, like almost everything in my course this year, boils down to mind games. We're all here and have been here this long because we've got what it takes, and we all know it's a competition for next year now. So this is purely jitters. I know it is. I know WHY it is. I know the ins and outs of pretty much most of the science on the whole damned concept of why I can't write this thing. It's just silliness.

And yet every time I go to start this essay, I end up drawing little cloud bubbles around headings instead, while chatting to people on facebook. I'm scared. This has to be absolutely perfect and I'm scared because starting it gives it the potential to be flawed. I hope that I snap out of this soon. I know I could just knock this out in about 3-5 solid hours now, and that's with draft versions and proofs, yet I've been sat here for a good week, chewing the skin off my bottom lip and fretfully glancing at a very barren word document. That's it! I want my life back! I miss my friends, I'm done with this self-imposed grounding until the report is done. I'm going for a wee, making a strong coffee, and not sleeping until a full first draft is done.

Time to take my own advice, put words on the page, and then get to making them perfect when I can actually SEE the flaws, instead of worrying and getting nowhere. I need to JUST DO THE JOB ALREADY. Or put the fish in the dam first, as dad would say. I don't actually know why he says that. Motivation starts now. And requires this music. Mostly because of a very fun maxi cab ride with mates a few weeks back, back when I had a social life *sobs*. BAM!!!! WRITING TIME STARTS......NOW!

UPDATE: I got my first draft done. It's 4.30am, but I got it done! Yay! Ok, now I sleep. Hopefully I knock this baby out tomorrow, so I can start on the next big assignment.


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