Oct 24, 2011

F*ck last night


Once upon a time a group of uni friends embarked upon an adventure to a far away land. That land turned out to be further away than expected for one of them.

Last night was a mess. Once again I was broke and had been invited out to a party, so I was trying to make ends meet. I filled myself up full of food and then got in the car with a couple of mates and a brand new friend. We started pre drinking on the way, as we had a 2-3 hour drive ahead of us and none of us had that much money. We got to the party in a happy state, I was only three drinks in. I had another couple of cans and hung out on the swings in the rain as the sun set, laughing at life and getting to know a new girlfriend. We passed around a cone which I barely touched. One puff to appease and then pass it on and walk away.

Everything was fine, I was being a bit naughty seeing as I don't usually touch anything but I felt fine, I was still lucid. This guy who has liked me for a while started to buy me drinks and there were a few suspicious looking strangers around but I was pretty with it and my mates were nearby so I felt safe. Then everything started to get blurry. I got a bit scared because I didn't understand what was happening, and snuck into a mates' car to get away because I felt really numb, weird, nauseous and dizzy.

My new friend came and found me and the guy who likes me came by as well, and started to realise something was was pretty fucked up. I was bought a few more drinks and he started to get in my ear saying the guy I liked was clearly not paying me any attention and didn't want me and was saying he'd never date me. Everything was spinning and I cried and didn't know what was happening. I started throwing up at some point around 10 or 11, I don't remember much else. My mates gave me water and we drove the hours and hours back home. I passed out for about 45 minutes somewhere in there. I really don't remember much at all, other than saying sorry a lot and crying uncontrollably.

I got home at some point around 3-3.30am and took myself into my room alone and locked the door. I remember a lot of struggling to breathe and shaking uncontrollably between then and about 8-9am. I contacted a few people in the early morning but I have almost no memory of it. I went into convulsions around the time the sun was coming up and spent another hour throwing up. For a while I couldn't breathe, there were horrible stabbing pains in my stomach and everything was spinning and blurry and my legs weren't working properly. I had a shower and fell over and remember laughing there in shock, with tears streaming down my face. I think I passed out for a bit again after that. This is where I lose a few more hours.

Some time around 2 or 3pm I got up again and threw up and my housemate found me stumbling and shaking uncontrollably. I still couldn't even hold down water at this point. I got back in the shower because I'd thrown up again. My legs and arms felt numb and I still couldn't walk properly. I think I stopped shaking completely at around 7pm. By then it was just the odd little twitch. I'm still dizzy and my arms are still numb and it's now 2.30am. I've been a little apprehensive about sleep until now, but I'm more exhausted than dazed at the moment. I've written all of this so I must be coherent enough by now.

I don't know who it was that spiked my drink. A friend said she saw a strange guy hand me an open beer at one point so perhaps that was it. I should've been more careful, I guess I've become somewhat blasé. I hope this serves as a warning to others that might have this done to them. It's a blessing that I wasn't raped or that I didn't die from an overdose or bad reaction - I'm still having a bit of trouble breathing and the convulsions were just fucked. God knows how long I was unconscious for when I did finally get home.

To my new girlfriend: Thank you so much for being there. You're a hoot and an absolute lifesaver. To the mate who drove me back from the other side of the city: Thank you so much for looking out for me and bringing me water and taking me all that way back so early in the night. To my housemate: I would be lost without you, you are one of the kindest people I know. To the guy who likes me and drove me the rest of the way home last night: I'm sorry. I don't like you back, not like that. This isn't going to change, but there is another girl out there who likes you very much. Please treat her with the utmost respect because she deserves no less. And please, never voice your opinion on other guys ever again. I want to try and keep my opinion of you untarnished if possible. And no guy, don't try to talk to me about any of this. Let's just move on and I'll wipe the slate for you.

Whoever drugged me: Do you realise that you could've killed me?! I actually have a reaction to some sedatives and anaesthetics and have to be put on special medications every time I go to the hospital due to this. I don't know what the fuck you think you were playing at but whatever you had in store was most definitely not worth risking the life of a person you know nothing about. You have no idea about my medical history, who the hell are you to put chemicals in my body, risking my health and terrifying my friends?!? You selfish, selfish monster. I hope your bad choices never hurt anyone again.

I'm so lucky things were not worse last night. Thank you so much to those who nursed me through. Never leave your drink unattended, ever.


Oct 17, 2011

I errr...mumble mumble oh god


For any of you that currently know me, you will know that I'm fairly confident and not at all awkward in social situations. Well, perhaps awkward at times, but certainly devoid of almost any shame. Most of the time, that works out pretty well for me. I make friends quickly and I don't mind so much about the people that dislike me. I generally go on my merry way, having a good time, occasionally getting my work done and generally pursuing a wide range of hobbies in my day-to-day life. Unless there is a crush involved.

For some reason, having a crush on someone transforms me from a fairly confident and well-grounded person in their mid-twenties into a partially mute retarded school girl. And not in a good way. This appears to be a fairly stubborn circumstantial trait of mine, so I feel that I should probably leave a disclaimer of sorts in here, as follows:
  • I am so, so sorry about my complete inability to form intelligent conversation and, at times, words around you Mr. Innocent-Bystanding-Citizen. I promise that I'm not actually that retarded once I manage to get a grasp of myself.
  • I am not logically retarded. I will, however, lose all ability to do even the simplest of calculations or follow simple instructions when you are present. This is particularly likely if such skills would stand any chance of impressing you in-context. It's just my body's way of reminding me that my subconscious is a troll that delights in the image of my future self living in a small suburban apartment with multiple cats.
  • Being in the presence of any crush will immediately and drastically reduce any kinesthetic abilities that I may or may not have ever possesed. Prepare to watch me trip horribly on nothing and fall super-gracefully on my arse as soon as you are in a 50-foot radius.
  • I do eventually snap out of derp schoolgirl mode. The catalyst for my eventual transition back into 'normal mode' is the provision of stability in the form of a positive confirmation of relationship status from the other party involved. The awesome thing about that is that my body will spontaneously decide to do a whole host of retarded things pushing me away from this point as soon as I recognise a person as someone I would like to have a relationship with. In my years as a perpetual romance failure machine, I have dubbed this bodily system the 'cycle of fails'.
In summary, I apologise in advance for the impending slew of abrupt garbled sentences, awkward silences, moments where I'm caught staring at you before suddenly tripping over the nearest blatantly obvious object, hyperactively sleepless nights and small children asking "Mummy, why is she like that?"

It won't be this way forever, I wouldn't have survived this long if I was always like this. Please, please be patient and understanding. I'll come out of my weird and retarded shell eventually and then I will totally be awesome. Like a swan. Mostly. I promise. Shit. Hugs?