Dec 1, 2011

The drug of love


So I've become rather frustrated as of late watching someone basically inflict harm upon themselves in a way that I have plenty of painful experience with in my own past. It's like watching a car crash from the sidelines. I was also reading THIS article tonight and it made me think of the dynamics of unrequited love. Why is this type of pursuit so addictive at times? There has to be something more to it, because the experience is downright painful. The basics of conditioning alone would suggest chasing those that reject you would create an unfavourable response that it would be assumed you'd later avoid, but it's so often not the case.

The article discusses statistics suggesting that spending a short period of time talking with a stranger is more favourable than expected, whereas spending the same amount of time talking to someone familiar to you is less favourable than expected, when tested. The underlying hypothesis is that our level of enjoyment positively correlates with our level of effort in the conversation.

That's pretty much what got me thinking - the pursuit of a dismissive yet attractive other would definitely cause a high level of effort during interaction from my personal perspective. And it doesn't stop there....further rejection would likely lead to increased desperation in cases where the value placed upon the other was high, which would then in turn build the level of effort, creating a loop of sorts where the behaviour finally settled into a habitual and damaging obsession. The feeling would be one of desperate pursuit of comfort followed by constant hurt from personal rejection, only leading to further fruitless pursuits.

I have definitely been there before. This to me appears to be the human body fucking itself over with a concoction of self-imposed hormones that serve no real purpose in modern society. Like the anxiety disorders I feel stem mostly from our now all-but-redundant fight-or-flight sympathetic/parasympathetic nervous system response, it has become yet another first-world problem creating storm-in-a-teacup social disasters. I wonder if there should be a new illness term for such a thing, something more specific than, say reactive anxiety or post-traumatic stress? I wonder if such a thing has a medical name in other cultures? I think I remember reading about a Japanese definition that was vaguely similar in a textbook or something somewhere? I find the notion rather curious.

It's definitely a fairly universally experienced thing, it's not just me and those I see around me experiencing it - it's dotted throughout television, movies and music across this culture. It seems like a crucial thing to think about really, it probably permeates our culture on so many levels. The individual, whose risk of self harm likely increases and could be gripped with depression and anxiety; the target or victim, who may be pursued to a point of harm or distress; the greater social circle, dealing with sudden behavioural changes within itself as dynamics are adversely affected...perhaps even greater society if distress gives way to agression or suicide in more extreme cases.

I wonder about the best ways in which to break from such a thing. I would assume that a significant time of separation would be best going from social psychology textbooks detailing attraction, and I know other friends have tested such a thing with some success, as have I myself....but there are so many potential social connotations for a such an act - and how does it change the social group affected? Or the individual needing space? What judgments may be imposed? What outcomes could stem from those potential judgments? I suppose my way of dealing with such things is to diversify my interacions with people, but I tend to be extremely outgoing and even I am becoming more and more of an in-grouper. From a therapeutic angle, how could one aid in such a scenario?

Personally I'm at a point with this one where I don't want to interfere on many levels, but I'm also directly affected to a point of personal offense at times. It would be nice to speed up this process and move on to the more important things.

I feel I'll be cracking open my old textbooks soon to mull this one over further, it's just too much of a common social theme to be overlooked, it's so very untapped. Fascinating.


Oct 24, 2011

F*ck last night


Once upon a time a group of uni friends embarked upon an adventure to a far away land. That land turned out to be further away than expected for one of them.

Last night was a mess. Once again I was broke and had been invited out to a party, so I was trying to make ends meet. I filled myself up full of food and then got in the car with a couple of mates and a brand new friend. We started pre drinking on the way, as we had a 2-3 hour drive ahead of us and none of us had that much money. We got to the party in a happy state, I was only three drinks in. I had another couple of cans and hung out on the swings in the rain as the sun set, laughing at life and getting to know a new girlfriend. We passed around a cone which I barely touched. One puff to appease and then pass it on and walk away.

Everything was fine, I was being a bit naughty seeing as I don't usually touch anything but I felt fine, I was still lucid. This guy who has liked me for a while started to buy me drinks and there were a few suspicious looking strangers around but I was pretty with it and my mates were nearby so I felt safe. Then everything started to get blurry. I got a bit scared because I didn't understand what was happening, and snuck into a mates' car to get away because I felt really numb, weird, nauseous and dizzy.

My new friend came and found me and the guy who likes me came by as well, and started to realise something was was pretty fucked up. I was bought a few more drinks and he started to get in my ear saying the guy I liked was clearly not paying me any attention and didn't want me and was saying he'd never date me. Everything was spinning and I cried and didn't know what was happening. I started throwing up at some point around 10 or 11, I don't remember much else. My mates gave me water and we drove the hours and hours back home. I passed out for about 45 minutes somewhere in there. I really don't remember much at all, other than saying sorry a lot and crying uncontrollably.

I got home at some point around 3-3.30am and took myself into my room alone and locked the door. I remember a lot of struggling to breathe and shaking uncontrollably between then and about 8-9am. I contacted a few people in the early morning but I have almost no memory of it. I went into convulsions around the time the sun was coming up and spent another hour throwing up. For a while I couldn't breathe, there were horrible stabbing pains in my stomach and everything was spinning and blurry and my legs weren't working properly. I had a shower and fell over and remember laughing there in shock, with tears streaming down my face. I think I passed out for a bit again after that. This is where I lose a few more hours.

Some time around 2 or 3pm I got up again and threw up and my housemate found me stumbling and shaking uncontrollably. I still couldn't even hold down water at this point. I got back in the shower because I'd thrown up again. My legs and arms felt numb and I still couldn't walk properly. I think I stopped shaking completely at around 7pm. By then it was just the odd little twitch. I'm still dizzy and my arms are still numb and it's now 2.30am. I've been a little apprehensive about sleep until now, but I'm more exhausted than dazed at the moment. I've written all of this so I must be coherent enough by now.

I don't know who it was that spiked my drink. A friend said she saw a strange guy hand me an open beer at one point so perhaps that was it. I should've been more careful, I guess I've become somewhat blasé. I hope this serves as a warning to others that might have this done to them. It's a blessing that I wasn't raped or that I didn't die from an overdose or bad reaction - I'm still having a bit of trouble breathing and the convulsions were just fucked. God knows how long I was unconscious for when I did finally get home.

To my new girlfriend: Thank you so much for being there. You're a hoot and an absolute lifesaver. To the mate who drove me back from the other side of the city: Thank you so much for looking out for me and bringing me water and taking me all that way back so early in the night. To my housemate: I would be lost without you, you are one of the kindest people I know. To the guy who likes me and drove me the rest of the way home last night: I'm sorry. I don't like you back, not like that. This isn't going to change, but there is another girl out there who likes you very much. Please treat her with the utmost respect because she deserves no less. And please, never voice your opinion on other guys ever again. I want to try and keep my opinion of you untarnished if possible. And no guy, don't try to talk to me about any of this. Let's just move on and I'll wipe the slate for you.

Whoever drugged me: Do you realise that you could've killed me?! I actually have a reaction to some sedatives and anaesthetics and have to be put on special medications every time I go to the hospital due to this. I don't know what the fuck you think you were playing at but whatever you had in store was most definitely not worth risking the life of a person you know nothing about. You have no idea about my medical history, who the hell are you to put chemicals in my body, risking my health and terrifying my friends?!? You selfish, selfish monster. I hope your bad choices never hurt anyone again.

I'm so lucky things were not worse last night. Thank you so much to those who nursed me through. Never leave your drink unattended, ever.


Oct 17, 2011

I errr...mumble mumble oh god


For any of you that currently know me, you will know that I'm fairly confident and not at all awkward in social situations. Well, perhaps awkward at times, but certainly devoid of almost any shame. Most of the time, that works out pretty well for me. I make friends quickly and I don't mind so much about the people that dislike me. I generally go on my merry way, having a good time, occasionally getting my work done and generally pursuing a wide range of hobbies in my day-to-day life. Unless there is a crush involved.

For some reason, having a crush on someone transforms me from a fairly confident and well-grounded person in their mid-twenties into a partially mute retarded school girl. And not in a good way. This appears to be a fairly stubborn circumstantial trait of mine, so I feel that I should probably leave a disclaimer of sorts in here, as follows:
  • I am so, so sorry about my complete inability to form intelligent conversation and, at times, words around you Mr. Innocent-Bystanding-Citizen. I promise that I'm not actually that retarded once I manage to get a grasp of myself.
  • I am not logically retarded. I will, however, lose all ability to do even the simplest of calculations or follow simple instructions when you are present. This is particularly likely if such skills would stand any chance of impressing you in-context. It's just my body's way of reminding me that my subconscious is a troll that delights in the image of my future self living in a small suburban apartment with multiple cats.
  • Being in the presence of any crush will immediately and drastically reduce any kinesthetic abilities that I may or may not have ever possesed. Prepare to watch me trip horribly on nothing and fall super-gracefully on my arse as soon as you are in a 50-foot radius.
  • I do eventually snap out of derp schoolgirl mode. The catalyst for my eventual transition back into 'normal mode' is the provision of stability in the form of a positive confirmation of relationship status from the other party involved. The awesome thing about that is that my body will spontaneously decide to do a whole host of retarded things pushing me away from this point as soon as I recognise a person as someone I would like to have a relationship with. In my years as a perpetual romance failure machine, I have dubbed this bodily system the 'cycle of fails'.
In summary, I apologise in advance for the impending slew of abrupt garbled sentences, awkward silences, moments where I'm caught staring at you before suddenly tripping over the nearest blatantly obvious object, hyperactively sleepless nights and small children asking "Mummy, why is she like that?"

It won't be this way forever, I wouldn't have survived this long if I was always like this. Please, please be patient and understanding. I'll come out of my weird and retarded shell eventually and then I will totally be awesome. Like a swan. Mostly. I promise. Shit. Hugs?


Sep 7, 2011

Things I'd love to do over the summer break


It's time to start making fun lists again. We're at week nine of a 12-week trimester, last assignments are coming, exams will all be over by October 18th. As daunting as these last few weeks will be in terms of workload, I'm experiencing dizzying levels of excitement at the prospect of so much free time to use willingly in my near future. So much time to focus on learning new things and working hard on things because they are personally interesting, important and currently relevant to me and not because they are part of what is an interesting but not always perfectly engaging course structure. I can't wait!

This will be my first summer living near some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. My first summer with some new friends that I think I have connected to in ways I've never connected to people before. My first summer living in a share house where so much of my time will be my own and where for once, I am in the right space in my own head. A summer where I'm single and I'm not answering to anyone. There is so much I can do in 5 weeks' time! Here's a list of things that I'm really excited about sinking my teeth into. I'll add to it further as the time until university break becomes closer.


  • This summer I really want to write a proper published paper on the nature of human responsibility and it's influence on large-scale social change. I've been thinking about writing something big for a few years now, but I didn't want to write just for the sake of writing. I wanted to actually have something to say that people could talk about. Something that would act as an interesting catalyst for further discussion, because I think that exploration of a topic by many people holds more value than the opinion of one person. I feel that sometimes I come across as a know-it-all and that sometimes I fall into the trap of actually being that way as well, but I also think that I have come up with a very interesting idea on something in particular recently, and that research and publishing on that idea is a good way to get people talking about that - which means I can listen to others' opinions and really get an opportunity to learn something and test something out from an initial spark, not just from my own personal opinion. We shall see if I actually do this over summer, it's a huge body of work I'm talking about, but it seems so fun too. I have 300 words already saved as a writing plan, so there's that.
  • I really want to get fit and get into a healthier lifestyle pattern this summer too. Winter and busy study schedules has meant that I have fallen into laziness with my diet, sleep and exercise routines and I'm excited about the free time I'll have to pour into change there. I want to play with my own motivation levels during my time off so that I can do more with the time I have. This time studying seems so precious after being married and having worked in a corporate world with few hours to myself in the past. It's such a huge opportunity full of freedom.
  • I want to start making things more. I'm planning on getting a whole lot of things from the craft store and learning more about friendship bracelets, because I want to make a heap of really nice ones. I love being able to give little things to my mates in times of financial hardship and I think friendship bracelets are a really nice symbol of appreciation for people. They are the cutest things ever and I plan on never growing out of them. It's important to tell people that you think they're great. We forget to appreciate people that change our lives for the better on a daily basis at times, and those really are special people.
  • I am going to finish that damn drawing of Poppy for once because it has been sitting on top of my bookcase for months now!
  • I can't wait to spend more time at the beach, both to tone up and for the sheer enjoyment of the beautiful weather to come. It's so much fun bodyboarding. I might even try to surf some more this spring and summer. I'm hilariously bad at it, but I'm ok with being comic relief and I'd love to learn. Hopefully I'll get a few mates out there too, it's so much more fun when you're sharing the experience. That and dammit I'm getting these legs into better shape, they are just shameful right now aurghh!
  • I want to spend more time talking to, hanging out with and getting to know this one person. I have no idea how that will go and I'm a bit apprehensive about straight-up saying that in case they get really freaked out and start imagining loss of freedom and balls and chains, so we'll see. I'm in completely new territory here so I'm going to just hope for the best and tread super lightly. I'm not sure what will happen with that, but I like spending time getting to know interesting people, so for now that can be my primary aim.
  • I want to spend more time with my family. I've had so much fun with them all over the past couple of months and one thing I've started to notice is just how many things I can learn from all of them. Time with each of them is so precious, it needs to be preserved and cherished.
  • More fantastic time to learn as much as I possibly can about music. I think I'm going to start properly learning musical theory after classes finish for the year. It's something I've always admired in others and never imagined I'd be able to achieve myself, but I enjoy music so much that I think any form of learning more about it would be great, even if I don't master it.
I'm very excited! So many amazing things coming up on the immediate horizon and only a few short weeks of hard work until I get all of the freedom a girl could ever ask for.


Sep 5, 2011

An open letter to any men in my life

Before I start readers, let me say wow! You guys are awesome. I was welcomed by 6000 hits on my blog and four new followers upon today's early morning log-in. You all rock and are awesome and stuff, love love love! Ok, now on to the serious business of blogging.


Dear thatguyyouare,

Please, don't be hot and cold. Yes, I realise that it's also a song. Now that we've moved beyond that, you know who you are. You adore me! Then we don't talk for a week. Then you get bored and need some love, then you are suddenly mad at me for no reason. Now we're bff's! Oh look, we accidentally just accidentally each other again. Guy, don't do this. This is a bad on so many levels. It's cute on a much smaller scale if I'm actually dating you. It is very to the maximum not cute when I've started thinking that you're awesome and then you are a different person every three days. You don't get to be crazy, that's a girl thing. You know that, I mean you say it all the time. Geez guy.

Please don't accidentally be in love with me. I get it, I was nice to you. I get that a lot of people are not nice. The deeper meaning is not that I'm in love with you, it's that I was nice to you. Stop that. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

You know that girl you are still completely in love with? She doesn't care what you're doing. There is a reason you are not with her right now. It's because she doesn't want to be with you and potentially also has some kind of restraining order. I know you're hurt and lonely and you want to move on, except that you secretly don't and would rather wallow in your own self-pity and obsess over her until an intervention takes place. The cure for this affliction is not to make a pass at me. I will show you sympathy and potentially do something stupid. Then I will become frustrated at your selfishness. After that, I will become confused. In my confusion, I may hurt myself, yourself or both of us. This is not a badge worth getting in such a context.

Do not tell me about your ex, or about how attractive my mate is, or about how hot every female without a moustache in a 50 kilometer radius is. You just instantly became a child in a man's body and a complete sleazebag, not to mention the friends you just lost for your behaviour that you will later be confused about when they stop answering your calls. People can see and hear you, guy.

And yes dude, I get that we're over. Please do not tell me how happy you are now without me, how wonderful your lovely new girlfriend is or hook up with that girl over there at this awkward party of a mutual friend and then make a point of telling me about it. I will walk away with her and make her my girlfriend for the night, and we both know your manhood won't be able to deal with that. Make like a normal guy, move on and get the girl without giving me a minute-by-minute rundown of it. Worse - for the sake of your own dignity, don't lean into me and tell me how many weights you press at the gym now. We're done here. Again, people can hear you.

Oh, and Mr.Guythatyouare, please don't feel that I'm off sleeping with Mr.I'msosorryIdon'tknowwhathappenedbutitwon'thappenagain, just because I do not answer your calls in a three-hour period. That has never, ever happened to me, I simply do not cheat. In order to quell your deepest fears, I have prepared a list of some of the more likely activities currently delaying my response:
  • I am watching an embarrassing television series about feelings and teenage angst in my bedroom while eating something disgusting in an adult onesie and feel the need to simultaneously indulge my own bad taste and hide my shame from the world.
  • I'm sitting on the internet reading about the newest way to create unique nail design while browsing eBay for things I can neither afford nor need.
  • I'm asleep and super happy about it.
  • I am frantically writing a last-minute essay because I spent the entire night between facebook and 4chan again.
  • I am baking something and singing badly to 90's music that was bad when it came out, let alone now.
  • The dog needs a wash and she has managed to cover herself in something so nasty that it surpasses the regular cuteness associated with doggy bath time.
  • I'm reading some fiction book that I will forever deny all appreciation for.
  • I'm blogging or drawing a picture while singing to myself with the bedroom door very much locked.
  • I'm out with my friends, flinging myself into the ocean or possibly at a cinema or sporting event where phones do not naturally survive.
  • I have suddenly remembered my great passion for personality-type theory and am spending hours alone in my room reading trash psychology.
I am a very outgoing person and I love people, I love them ever so much. I also deeply enjoy time to myself. I am not one of those girls who will spend every waking hour with you. Unless we're breaking some sort of bed-related record, I'm unlikely to want to be attached to you at the hip. This is a good thing for both of us and I'm positive that you don't want to see me when I'm in 'alone time' mode.

I am not as crazy as you imagine. I am not your collection of batshit-insane exes. Please stop thinking that I'm going to trap you in a relationship and then immediately slap on the ring, pump out a bunch of kids and make a point of owning your ass and demanding to decide your every move. I don't want you to buy me things constantly because I say so. Further to this, my thought on flowers is that you have just bought me a pointless dead thing that I'll have to throw out and clean a vase for in a weeks' time. Save your money and take me go-karting or to the laser tag, we'll both enjoy that. I think your porn stash is funny and possibly relevant, not personally offensive. I'm not going to force any sort of organised religion down your throat. Stopping you from going out on the weekends is not on the agenda. Please, for all that is sacred, go out with your mates and have a good time. I want you to be happy when I see you, not weeping in a corner with no friends. My sole purpose in life is not to crush your spirit. I know that you have a way of finding the worst type of girl, but don't let that be your assumption of the next girl just because you're scared and hurt by the last idiot that didn't see what they had or did something otherwise as nasty.

I'll probably want to date you if I like you and see copious amounts of sex in our future. None of the previous paragraph is a part of that. My interests involve camping, fishing, cars, comedy and action shows, guitar, the beach, my friends, animal welfare, music and doing flips and shit. So long as you are loyal to me, don't leave unflushed urine in the toilet bowl, don't mistake me for your mother, maintain a relatively good level of personal hygiene, do plenty of dirty things to me on a regular basis and at least attempt to be nice to me once-in-a-while, we're golden.

Yours Sincerely,

B xx



Aug 22, 2011

Slight redesign and a lack of sleep

This post is probably going to read a little like a journal entry for the better part. I'm up at 6am again after another night just enjoying time on my own pondering, reading journal articles and listening to music, as I'm wont to do every fortnight or so.

First of all, I hope you like the new look of my blog. I was finding the previous styling a little too gaudy so I opted for something new. I've also been playing with lightbox on my camera, so I have a new photo on the sidebar as well. I can't speak more highly of lightbox, it's a lot of fun. Run a google search if you're using Android and check it out. Here's something else I took tonight while fooling around, just because I can.


It's been a lovely night here. I've played a ton of guitar too, it's getting to the point where I can look at the chords for a song and actually know where my hands go innately a lot of the time. It's a good sign of things to come. I've been teaching another friend to play, so that's been wonderful as well.

I've been up to a bit online lately and spend endless hours at Hello Giggles and as of this week Tumblr. I'm really enjoying working away there and you can find my tumblr by clicking HERE. I'll still be blogging regardless, I have almost reached 6,000 viewers on this blog so it's here to stay.

As per usual, I have been thinking a lot about relationships tonight, instead of sleeping in preparation for my 8 hour shift which starts in roughly 2 hours. The fact that this new guy has spent most of the day flitting in and out of my mind suggests to me that it's not quite time to give him up. I left him cookies today...not weird at all. I'm so happy with life right now that I'm not inclined to change much, but he is great to have around, so I think I might finally be properly open to something. I'm sure his actions will give me deeper insight over the next however long. I do really like him so I'll let the rest happen naturally.


God I love alone time. I think I will always be a night owl for this reason. There's something so solitary about the night. I adore people, but there's something really magical about shutting yourself in your room and just daydreaming, making and enjoying art, playing musical instruments, singing away and exploring new psychological studies and quirky inventions. I think I could happily spend two weeks alone and confined to a small space, so long as there were guitars, pencils, paper an internet connection and perhaps my dog around. It would be just amazing. Possibly a kitchen too. I'm really enjoying cooking at the moment.

I found some pretty cool studies tonight on my adventures around the internet, so I thought I might share something while I've got you. One study I found absolutely fascinating tonight was on Partners' Facial Similarity Increasing over Time. The study found that partners that have spent 25 or more years together tend to become more facially similar over time. This psychological study looked at many different possibilities and concluded that the most probable cause of this phenomenon was empathy. Your empathy with your long term partner means that you mirror many facial expressions subconsciously while sharing a close bond and this causes similar facial features to arise over time. There's a big part of me that thinks that's really, really sweet. I think that if I ever stayed with someone for so long it would be beautiful to share facial similarities with them from the bond we shared. I wonder if such things increase in similarity in correlation with the depth of the bond? Fascinating stuff. The next thing I wonder from this study is how this sort of thing would affect identical twins. I'm betting that the more time identical twins spend with each other, the more similar their facial features are, whereas identical twins that are say, separated from birth, might look less similar?

Human interaction fascinates me. There have been people in my life with very high empathy, and those with very low empathy over the memorable years in my life. I feel that the world could do with much more empathy for one another. If we cared more about how each other felt and less about pride, things would be just lovely. Perhaps I'm just in some sort of romantic, gentle, wistful mood tonight, but the idea of that seems nice. Just knowing where you stand with people and being able to trust without getting hurt so often. I'm not projecting at all...

I shall continue to put my faith and trust in people, regardless. That and stay up all night reading psychological journal articles and sitting on youtube and tumblr.

I've been getting all nostalgic over Powderfinger this week and I feel this song fits well with me at the moment, so here's a song for you. Have a lovely morning everyone, I'm off to work!




Aug 19, 2011

Ode to the things on eBay which are pretty


Oh eBay, how I love thee at 3am when I have an empty word document named "my important assignment" in the next window. Oh, the things I buy and later regret, until the eBay fairy sends me presents. I get a little parcel by my sharehouse door and for one magical moment, it's simultaneously Christmas and I have a loving boyfriend that knows exactly what sort of useless trinkets make me giddy. I don't actually have a boyfriend.

Nothing else can convince me that my friend and I both need a miniature working harmonica on a necklace more than I need packets of ramen to survive the next week on a student income. eBay, you are magical.

Jul 25, 2011

The world is magical


Today I was sitting in my room and thinking about love. I mused to myself for several hours on the subject, and I thought "Wow. The person I will one day be with, that will share a significant amount of my time and life - that person has already been born and has their very on life story from here on back that I don't even know yet." And I thought to myself "Wow, that's a really profound imagining to have." And then I thought no, that's actually just eighteen-to-twenty hours of sickly, tonsilitic convalescene speaking. After that, I googled the word tonsilitic, took two panadol and went back to bed.

Jul 10, 2011

What a perfect rest


Well, the holidays are officially drawing to a close. There is one day left before the start of Trimester two, and I have to say these have been some of the nicest days in a very long time. I actually got nearly everything done that I'd wanted done with few exceptions; forged some fantastic friendships; learned a whole lot more on guitar and really enjoyed myself in general.

It had nightclubs, it had new friends at work, great parties, just so much. To top it off, tonight I had an impromptu movie night here with a couple of good friends and then spent a good few hours alone on guitar - a rare moment of solitude in this house which was definitely very welcome! And for those wondering......I miraculously passed my subjects, and ended up with decent marks too. I certainly wasn't expecting that, after the things I'd been through causing so many distractions. What a wonderful surprise.

I've found that if I ever want to learn something on guitar (aside from turning to friends and occasionally family for advice), this website is indispensable: http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/
For ukulele, http://www.ukulele-tabs.com/ is fantastic. I hope that you get to enjoy these sites as much as I do on a regular basis.

The only real things not yet crossed off my list are more drawing and *scene deleted*. The drawings may yet come along if the new trimester permits. As for the rest, we shall see. There is definitely someone on my mind, but small steps can't hurt. There is a level of freedom in things for now that I can remain content in momentarily. I'm seeing a few others slowly fall for each other as well, which is always a warming observation. Life is good. I hope the past few weeks have been this good for others as well.

This is pretty much how I feel right now.


Jun 24, 2011

How to do awesome nails


So you want to have awesome nails, but you don't want to spend a whole lot of money. You like to play guitar or for whatever other reason acrylics are just not going to be an option. You're incredibly impatient when it comes to drying time. We are about to be friends! These are your weapons of choice:

One bottle of your current favourite shade of nail polish. I chose Ozotic's Reef because it is amazing and about three different shades at once. You can go for whatever you like though. First up, put on an episode of your favourite TV show or a movie. Log in to facebook chat or equivalent as well; keyboard typing keeps your fingers well spaced and will stop you from gnawing off an arm in boredom once the polish is on your nails. You will thank me for that. Paint on a couple of coats of your favourite shade. Make sure that you allow enough time for it to dry a little between applications, so that your nails don't end up lumpy. If you're lazy like me, pick a fast-drying shade.


Next up, go and find a cheap bottle of liquid eyeliner. It really doesn't matter how cheap it is, so long as it's liquid, rather than pencil. I went for a black shade, because I'm awesome like that. Plus, you know what they say. Using the eyeliner, paint a few evenly spaced diagonal lines across each nail. Start with your dominant hand while you get the hang of things, then move on to the other one. Wait the very short time for your eyeliner to dry. This is important, trust me.


Now it's time for a clear top coat! This will seal in the eyeliner, and if you use a fast-drying one, it will speed up the process as well. I went for the cutex 45-second clear coat, partly because it was the fastest one around, but mostly because it was on special when I was grocery shopping and I'm a terrible impulse buyer. Load up your brush fairly well when you do this, as the less friction on the eyeliner, the better. Wait for this to dry. Now, go and stun your friends with your skills of an artist!

Now, here's a song to show off your new nails with. You're welcome.


Jun 17, 2011

Holiday to-do list

UPDATED! I'm totally crossing these out as I get through them now...

· Go on a youtube exploration of new music

· Begin my circus training with the new troupe

· Nostalgia away as I recreate my music playlists

· Finish the software side of the build on my new computer

· Work at the new job

· Play Mirrors Edge

· Play Halo 3 with the girls

· Bake

· Mix some cocktails and hang out with friends

· Clock Portal Two

· Give people manicures

· Mess about on WoW

· 4 chan

· facebook

· Some manner of occasional house cleaning

· Play guitar

· Play ukulele

· 2 parties this Saturday

· So much hair dye on myself and others

· Maybe some more work

· Brave the winter surf

· Something about boys and admitting to nothing

· *scene omitted*

· Another party or two

· Work on the drawing I started months ago

· Start a new drawing

· Birthday present brainstorming for a certain friend

· Start constructing props and costumes for Humans vs Zombies

· Work on my pool skills

I love my life right now. Here, have a thing.